Roger: she a good lookin’ girl?

Richard: yeah man! Let me see if I got a photo.

Roger: yeahhhh

Richard (scrolling photos app): so that’s her aunty.

Roger: ok.

Richard: and that’s her grandma.

Roger: ok.

And then they changed subjects. What?

(NB: names invented. I do not know these cafe men.)

The most recent time was just now. But this time, Bryan held the man’s gaze.

If a man is wearing his trousers in such a way that his penis is visibly in motion as he walks, anyone is allowed to look. Stare, even. That’s the law.

And so, consistent with his entitlement as a member of this phallic swinging society, Bryan enjoyed the view.

You are all too short To sit in the exit row And I’m really squished

Everyone at Helen’s new workplace just thought she walked while involuntarily grunting loudly.

‘Babe. It’s make or break for Ross and Joseph! I really think they’re going to move in to Ross’s pimped our sleeper cab together’, she urged.

Ross and Joseph’s Road Train Romance was prime water cooler chatter every Monday. The recap podcasts were drooling over it.

And Cody was all in for Ross and Joseph. Over eight gruelling episodes their road transport-based affections had blossomed, from primal lust to amour fou to real love.

But just as Ross and Joseph’s televisual entanglement strengthened, another love had come undone.

Cody’s childhood friend Mike was getting divorced. And as best man at Mike and Melissa’s wedding, Cody had been first to learn the sad news.

Cody looked up at Tina.

‘What do we do about Mike and Melissa?’, he breathed hopelessly.

‘There’s nothing we can do!’, Tina replied. Mike and Melissa had sealed their own fate.

‘But who do we go with!? Which side do we take?’ This was less a conundrum than a desperate plea.

Tina brought clarity, always: ‘Well Mike’s your mate, but he was the cheater. And Melissa’s great, but wasn’t she really part of a package deal?’

Tina was right. Always.

Cody reached for the remote. Unpaused ‘Road Train Romance’.

Twenty minutes later, as the credits rolled, Cody’s face was tear stained. His hands clasped tightly. Ross and Joseph had said goodbye for the last time. An impossible love. Ross bound for Coober Pedy, Joseph for Broome. Star-cross’d.

Knowing Road Train Romance was over unless renewed for a second season was more than Cody could bear.

‘I choose neither of them’, he said.

Tina was confused. ‘What?’, she uttered.

‘Not Mike. Not Melissa. I choose to go with neither side. I’m just going to be friends with neither’, said Cody defiantly.

A grateful smile broke over Tina’s face. A tear ran down her cheek.

‘Babe’, said Tina, ‘I think that’s the right call. I’m so proud of you.’

Cody exhaled gently. Leant back, enveloped by couch cushions. Tina snuggled in, and together they lamented the end a great love. #RossAndJosephSleeperCab4Eva

Odd Paul places the can on the side table he fashioned from a poorly varnished slice of tree.

Odd Paul picks up his smart device and scrolls.

Odd Paul steps back through time, but not by reading old chats and reminiscing. He stands, lunges his right leg backward, his heel briefly collects the couch behind him, then bursts through it.

When he gets to old times, Odd Paul fascinates people, for they’ve never smelled creaming soda breath.

And also because he materialised from another age.